Oh my heavens, aren’t you the sweetest? I love for people to stalk my blog—I mean, that’s why I put it out there—and for you to say such nice things…well, it just made my night!
Holy cow! What a nice thing to say. I’m blushing. OK, so I’ve been sitting on a new fic because I am completely stuck on the ending, but you’ve motivated me to start hammering on it again. Thanks so much!
A funny thing happens now when I go to professional meetings and see dozens and dozens of people from all over the country who are long-time acquaintances. They avoid me. To be clear, they didn’t used to avoid me, but now that I’m a widow, talking to me makes people feel awkward and perhaps a little sad. You can tell a part of them is thinking they are so glad it was my spouse and not their own. And also, they really don’t know what to say. So I see them seeing me and trying really hard not to make eye contact.
I get it. I really do. And it’s okay.
So, like tonight in San Francisco, I went out on my own to avoid imposing my sad, widow self on my uncomfortable acquaintances. I don’t mind being on my own. I often prefer it. Tonight I met a man who is the photography editor for a major news outlet. He bought me a beer, and we talked for about an hour. At one point he said to me, “Wow, you are so interesting,” and I thought, “Isn’t that the best compliment ever?” So maybe being left to my own devices isn’t so bad after all.
I have the best friend. We’ll call her S. The other day we were driving around in Michael’s car, which had been parked in the garage for about a month. At some point S. took over the driving, and we were chatting, and I was looking out the window. Then, I just put my hand on her thigh. But not her thigh but his thigh, because that’s what we would do—for almost fifteen years—he would drive and I would rest my hand on his thigh. I almost instantly realized my mistake—this habit, now wrong—and S. just knew why without me saying anything. And we both burst into tears.
And aren’t I lucky to have someone who helps me carry my grief?