The Fifteenth Anniversary (Not Reached)

I have the best friend.  We’ll call her S.  The other day we were driving around in Michael’s car, which had been parked in the garage for about a month.  At some point S. took over the driving, and we were chatting, and I was looking out the window. Then, I just put my hand on her thigh.  But not her thigh but his thigh, because that’s what we would do—for almost fifteen years—he would drive and I would rest my hand on his thigh.  I almost instantly realized my mistake—this habit, now wrong—and S. just knew why without me saying anything.  And we both burst into tears.  

And aren’t I lucky to have someone who helps me carry my grief?

On Being a Good Husband

As I am cataloging for sale my late husband’s (500+) theological books, I keep coming across scraps of paper tucked inside pages with his handwritten notes.  Most are cryptic and would make sense only to him, but I found one inexplicably set in between the pages of The Pilgrim’s Progress that is pretty easy to understand.  

Under the underlined phrase “Are You a Good Husband" Michael wrote:

Are you a good man?

Do you have sex and romance?

Do you talk?

Do you do chores?

Are you flexible?

Do you have shared and separate interests?

Do you have shared and separate friends?

I’m pretty sure these are good questions for both husband and wives to ponder.  Michael, by the way, got high marks for all these things.  Me, not so much.  

Anonymous asked:

Pdf! Anon here: THANK YOU so much! <3 *hugs again* it would be absolutely perfect, cause I'm always looking for new authors and ffs to read - and I can't wait to read your stories, The High Road being on top of my list! Unfortunately, I'm very busy with uni, so I only have time to read during my train rides, where I usually don't have wifi. And when I take a break from study and read in the library... Well, S&C isn't friend with my ipad. So, thank you <3

I’m putting the entirety of the “Let Me Take You Higher” series on my blog, The Honest Blurt (tumblr(.)com/blog/thehonestblurt).  I hope you enjoy them.  Give me ten minutes, and they should be there.  

Anonymous asked:

Hello. I just wanted to ask you if any of your ffs is available in pdf, and of course send you a big, virtual hug :)

Thanks for the hug; I need it.  None of my ffs are available on PDF, and it’s not a simple matter of just converting the Word Documents, because I tend to edit the stories 100 times once they’re in S&C.  HOWEVER, I was planning to play with some fanfic converters over the next couple of days, so I will put them up in the next day or two, just for you.  Keep watching.  

Why Widowhood LITERALLY Stinks

My house smells bad.  Really bad.  It turns out that it’s the smell of single life.  

It takes forever to have enough dishes to run your dishwasher.  You never get through anything in your refrigerator before it goes bad—not even cheese, although I do my damnedest.  It’s an eon before you have enough dirty whites to contemplate a load of laundry.  Likewise, the trash can takes forever to fill.  And while you’re waiting, all of these things molder and fester and stink up the house.  Especially in the South.  It’s gross.  

The thing I can’t find in the garage that clearly died doesn’t help, either.  

kurtsies asked:

wow i just happened to stumble upon your blog because i was reading your klaine fics (which are amazing, by the way, you're very talented) and i just wanted to say something, anything at all, because i think you're so incredibly strong, and that he was too. i'm sorry that life did this to the both of you. i'm sorry for every person who has ever been or will ever be insensitive about it. i'm sorry that all the i'm sorrys in the world won't bring him back. and i just wanted to send you my love. x

Holy cow!  You are so incredible to have these sentiments and to take the time to write them down.  What a nice person you are! *Smooshes Kurtsies*  We grieving widows have our good days and our bad days, but your note is definitely kicking this day into the “good” column.  

Why I Spent the Evening Sobbing

I was cleaning out a file of car insurance papers tonight and came across a note written to me by my beloved M. dated 15 November 2006,  It was so him, and it was also so prescient, expressing so much of how I feel now after his death:

…I feel slightly sad, because you are not present.  Any separation from you has an element of sadness for me, as if a part of life is missing.  Which is true, of course, since you not only are part of my life but are so life-giving to me.  Thank you for this…I hope you will forgive my every mistake and misstep, and any harm or pain I cause.  And I hope you will pray that I become a better person each day, and more filled with love for you and all people.  I do love you, and am so thankful for you, every moment.